Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
