i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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