After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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