I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
