you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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