a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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