Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we made out on top of his cat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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