I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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