I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
