So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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