i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize