well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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