He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
