it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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