Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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