does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
