This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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