My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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