Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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