hotel room ftw
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
