just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
