I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
