party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
