If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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