so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
