piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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