does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize