That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
