Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
