Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
