My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
