I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
