idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
