My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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