she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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