who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
