ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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