I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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