At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
