Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
