My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
