And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize