She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
