i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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