my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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