dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
