I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
