Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
