the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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