And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize