Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
