omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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