I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
