My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
