Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
