i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
