he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
