they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
