Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
